The Mind of KLH

I heard it in a song the other day.  I’ve heard many others say the same thing…most of those saying it were men.  It hit me that it is this kind of insanity that causes so much misunderstanding, grief and pain in the world, especially between men and women.  For some inexplicable reason it has been conditioned into young boys that they shouldn’t show emotions…at least not “soft emotions”…and you certainly shouldn’t cry.  The problem with that sort of stupidity, is that it ignores the FACT the men are human.

Humans have emotions…all kinds of emotions.  The fact that a person may not show those emotions outwardly, doesn’t mitigate the fact that those emotions exist.  Men are every bit as capable as women to feel sadness, depression, and grief…men absolutely do get their feelings hurt.  But men have been conditioned to not let their hurt show.  The problem with this is that the hurt will not be denied.  If the hurt is not expressed directly it will show up some other way.  Men usually resort to anger when they feel hurt.  Somehow we’ve been trained to believe that anger is more ‘manly’.  

So…if a man’s feelings are hurt, rather than saying that, he may scream at his woman.  He may go out and cheat on her.  He may resort to violence against her, or maybe even misplace that violence, and direct it towards some one else.  But please be clear, those hurt feelings will make themselves known. If men were more able to express their hurt feelings, that alone would greatly reduce violence against women.  In fact, it would probably reduce violence in general.  The old paradigm just doesn’t work.  Men are people too.  The sooner we all embrace that, the better of we all will be.  

We as a people need to revisit and then revise what it means to be a man.  Sure strength is a part of being a man…but gentility is too.  We as men need to reclaim our humanity…all of it.  If our feelings have been hurt, we need to be able to say that in words, soft words, not with our fists.  I am not suggesting that men are just like women, because we are not, nor will we ever be.  But to say that a grown man ain’t supposed to cry is flat out wrong.  Sometimes being a man is being able to show softness, but not being defined by that softness.  Sometimes being a man is being able to cry even when our conditioning says we shouldn’t.  

As a man you might not want to cry at a public theater watching Sex In The City,…but if you lost a loved one, or if you’re expressing love to that special one, if you feel like no one understands you…I say that you as a man have a ‘human-right’ to cry.  

Stay Fly and Fly High!
KLH

…then no one else will.  Regarding success in anything, I think this statement is a fundamental truth.  I believe that success is compliant, it is malleable, it is plastic.  Success will take the form of whatever we truly believe.  If you believe you are a person who can only earn $15.00 an hour, and maybe if you work really hard and go to school (I always love that one) then the universe will submit to that vision.  People very rarely make more than they believe they can make.  If you believe that $150.00 an hour is what you should make then the universe in the same way will comply.  Most of us have a very strong tendency to be defined by where we are right now.  It is a very exceptional person that can see beyond their present circumstances, what ever they are.  Successful people typically only see themselves as being successful.  Conversely low wage earners usually cannot really see themselves making a lot of money.  They may fantasize about it, but they don’t really see themselves in a much better place than they are currently.

It is a staple of the Positive Thinking world that ‘If you can conceive it and believe it then you can achieve it’.  It’s very simplistic I know, but it’s also very true.  It’s so simple in fact, that most people dismiss it as silly.  Let me break it down.  Obviously for you to achieve anything first you must conceive it in your mind, that’s easy.  Belief is much harder.  Belief is not simply saying ‘Oh yeah, I believe I can make a million dollars’.  Belief is a thought held in your mind that compels you into action or inaction.  If you believe that car speeding toward you is not going to stop, you will be compelled to get the hell out of the way.  Similarly if you truly believe you are going to make a million dollars you’re going to formulate a plan and execute that plan.  You are going to get the necessary education you need.  You are going to get up early and work late when your friends are out having fun.  You are going to sacrifice things that other people have now, in order to have what others people will not be able to have later. True belief is a motivator.

If you really believe you will be successful in your marriage, business, or child rearing you will make choices that support that belief.  You may ask ‘How do I get that belief?’  I think it starts with a simple truth, that you are capable, and you are worthy.  You may not currently possess the skills necessary to make a lot of money or be a great parent, or piano player, and that’s OK.  You must know however, that you are capable of acquiring those skills.  Great skill is very rarely present instantly.  Most of the times skill is developed over time, and often a great deal of time.  Developing skill is a matter of a series of choices.  Turn off the TV, sign up for a class, read a book, do a push up, walk around the block, make a phone call, practice your instrument.  These are choices anybody can make.  Successful people make the right choices often, and unsuccessful people make the wrong choices often.  If you want more for yourself, it all starts with making an effective choice.  Anybody can do that.

As far as being worthy…it’s really rather basic…you are worthy because you are here.  You as you are, represent a spectacular crowning achievement of creative intelligence.  The raw materials of which you are made, are no different than that of Bill Gates, Micheal Jordan, Micheal Jackson, Mother Teresa, or Oprah.  We are all a blank canvas, and we are all given a wonderful selection of paints and brushes.  It is up to you and me what we do with them.  There is nothing wrong with living an average life, and if that’s what you want then you can paint that picture for yourself.  It’s really up to you.  However I believe that most people who live average lives do so out of fear or lack of imagination.

I think most of us are afraid of looking silly, being told no, not fitting in, feeling inadequate.  So we find a comfort zone we dig in and plant ourselves there.  Then we teach our children to do the same, because we don’t want them to be hurt.  It’s hard to feel inadequate when all you do are things that are easy for you.  Most people will do just about anything to avoid discomfort.  Fear of the unknown will make people stay in jobs they hate, and relationships that sometimes put them in grave physical danger.  The need for familiarity can literally be a killer.

I am here to tell you this…you are capable, and you are worthy.  Suspend your disbelief and act as if this were true.  Small choices you can make right now, over time can eventually make your life truly remarkable.    I am not saying that great wealth is the path for everyone, because it isn’t.  I know everyone doesn’t want to be a rock star, nor should everyone.  But I am convinced that each and everyone of you can live a wonderful, abundant, happy, and fulfilling life.  You will be on that path when you believe you can.

Stay Fly and Fly High!
KLH

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Why am I talking about this???  Because I’m wondering why everyone else is talking about it.  We Americans are so wrapped up in the lives of other people, to the detriment or our own lives.  Lil Kim a very talented Hip Hop rapper who is now a contestant on ABC’s Dancing With The Stars, and she did do some jail time.  She just might be the first convict to be on Dancing with the Stars.  A couple of years ago she got caught up in some bull#$it and guns were fired, I don’t remember if anyone was shot.  Lil Kim held to the stupid and VERY tired street law “Don’t Snitch”.  Most Hip Hop rappers follow this stupidity.  However not only did she not snitch, she lied about some facts regarding the shooting.  Consequently Lil Kim was arrested for perjury and subsequently convicted.

Now that she has done her time I sure wish people would let her be.  In fact on a broader scale I think all people who have done jail time should be allowed to build a new life.  I think it is so counter-productive to make it so difficult for ex-cons to get jobs.  If we don’t give them a chance then they will by necessity revert back to a life of crime.  Now…a child molester clearly shouldn’t be allowed to be a camp counselor for kids, but if they can’t get a job anywhere…what do you think they are  going to do for a livelihood????  I don’t know but it won’t be good.

Anyhow…I didn’t get to see Lil Kim on Dancing With The Stars, I did DVR it so I’ll catch it later.  I hope she does well.  I hope people will stop their ridiculous fascination with other people’s lives and live their own.  Personally I think watching her shake her silicone boobies is a lot more interesting.

Stay Fly and Fly High!
KLH 

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Lately there has been a lot of talk about Chris Brown and his girl friend Rihanna. I’ve seen pictures of Rihanna and it looks like Chris beat her up really bad. Unfortunately this kind of behaviour is not that uncommon. Also not uncommon is the woman going back to her abuser after he cries and grovels and begs her to come back…swearing that he will never do it again. Usually the peace is short lived and the woman gets beat again and again until she finally has the courage to leave her man or is killed by her man. Apparently Rihanna thinks Chris Brown is the exception to the rule. It has been rumored that she went back to him. It’s very sad.

Physical abuse is absolutely positively wrong. But it’s not wrong because a man shouldn’t hit a woman…although he shouldn’t. It’s wrong because a person’s safety and security are inherent rights we all have simply for being alive. Notice I said “WE ALL HAVE” these rights. What has been mostly missing from the public discussion about the Chris Brown and Rihanna story is the report that she may have hit him first. If that is indeed the case she was every bit as wrong as he was. Physical violence is always wrong. To say or imply that it’s not quite as bad when a woman hits a man is flat out stupid. Violence provokes violence. Abuse of any kind provokes more of the same. Now to be clear, I am not saying that Rihanna deserved to get beat up because she didn’t. However I am saying that Chris Brown didn’t deserve to get hit either. He had just as much right to safety and security and respect as she did.

So what’s the remedy? We need to understand that to impose violence on an innocent person is always bad. If a person gets us upset enough that we want to hit them, then we need to be strong enough to walk away. If a threat of violence persists the relationship should be ended. Men far too often are inclined to use a show or force when their words don’t get the job done. Some men’s sense of masculinity is too easily threatened and so they over react by an inappropriate show of force. The truth is, an inappropriate show of force is usually a sign of weakness. For a man to hit a woman who he is most likely bigger and stronger than is an act of utter cowardice.

However…for a woman to belittle or berate a man is proof positive that she doesn’t deserve to be with any man. For a woman to hit a man is always dead wrong. A woman should be subjected to the same punishment as men when they are violent. It is every bit as disgusting when a woman is violent against a man as it is the other way around. We’ve been conditioned to think men are stupid, weak, not so smart, and even color blind. Just look at a sitcom on TV it is almost ALWAYS that the man is a bumbling idiot and the woman has to save the day. This kind of insanity is a part of the sickness that provokes men to over react towards their women.  Men must be respected, and honored, not made fun of.

Respect should not be optional in relationships, and love will not fill in the gaps where respect is missing. Men must have an independent strength that cannot be compromised or redefined by any woman. If a woman doesn’t give a man the respect he deserves he should kick her ass to the curb with her bags and everything she came in with. Women have an absolute right to have kindness, gentility, and respect given to them. You should NEVER feel threatened or intimidated by your man…if ever you do you should be on notice. If a man is violent towards others, if he has difficulty managing his anger, if he is domineering, if he throws things around the house in anger, if he is verbally abusive consider yourself to be in danger. You should talk to him about some real ways these problems can be rectified. If he is resistant to real change in these areas you should consider leaving because a black eye is probably in your future.

Violence towards your partner is ALWAYS wrong, man or woman. Both partners should say to each other with crystal clear conviction “If you ever hit me I will leave you and NEVER come back”.

Stay Fly and Fly High!
KLH