Lately there has been a lot of talk about Chris Brown and his girl friend Rihanna. I’ve seen pictures of Rihanna and it looks like Chris beat her up really bad. Unfortunately this kind of behaviour is not that uncommon. Also not uncommon is the woman going back to her abuser after he cries and grovels and begs her to come back…swearing that he will never do it again. Usually the peace is short lived and the woman gets beat again and again until she finally has the courage to leave her man or is killed by her man. Apparently Rihanna thinks Chris Brown is the exception to the rule. It has been rumored that she went back to him. It’s very sad.
Physical abuse is absolutely positively wrong. But it’s not wrong because a man shouldn’t hit a woman…although he shouldn’t. It’s wrong because a person’s safety and security are inherent rights we all have simply for being alive. Notice I said “WE ALL HAVE” these rights. What has been mostly missing from the public discussion about the Chris Brown and Rihanna story is the report that she may have hit him first. If that is indeed the case she was every bit as wrong as he was. Physical violence is always wrong. To say or imply that it’s not quite as bad when a woman hits a man is flat out stupid. Violence provokes violence. Abuse of any kind provokes more of the same. Now to be clear, I am not saying that Rihanna deserved to get beat up because she didn’t. However I am saying that Chris Brown didn’t deserve to get hit either. He had just as much right to safety and security and respect as she did.
So what’s the remedy? We need to understand that to impose violence on an innocent person is always bad. If a person gets us upset enough that we want to hit them, then we need to be strong enough to walk away. If a threat of violence persists the relationship should be ended. Men far too often are inclined to use a show or force when their words don’t get the job done. Some men’s sense of masculinity is too easily threatened and so they over react by an inappropriate show of force. The truth is, an inappropriate show of force is usually a sign of weakness. For a man to hit a woman who he is most likely bigger and stronger than is an act of utter cowardice.
However…for a woman to belittle or berate a man is proof positive that she doesn’t deserve to be with any man. For a woman to hit a man is always dead wrong. A woman should be subjected to the same punishment as men when they are violent. It is every bit as disgusting when a woman is violent against a man as it is the other way around. We’ve been conditioned to think men are stupid, weak, not so smart, and even color blind. Just look at a sitcom on TV it is almost ALWAYS that the man is a bumbling idiot and the woman has to save the day. This kind of insanity is a part of the sickness that provokes men to over react towards their women. Men must be respected, and honored, not made fun of.
Respect should not be optional in relationships, and love will not fill in the gaps where respect is missing. Men must have an independent strength that cannot be compromised or redefined by any woman. If a woman doesn’t give a man the respect he deserves he should kick her ass to the curb with her bags and everything she came in with. Women have an absolute right to have kindness, gentility, and respect given to them. You should NEVER feel threatened or intimidated by your man…if ever you do you should be on notice. If a man is violent towards others, if he has difficulty managing his anger, if he is domineering, if he throws things around the house in anger, if he is verbally abusive consider yourself to be in danger. You should talk to him about some real ways these problems can be rectified. If he is resistant to real change in these areas you should consider leaving because a black eye is probably in your future.
Violence towards your partner is ALWAYS wrong, man or woman. Both partners should say to each other with crystal clear conviction “If you ever hit me I will leave you and NEVER come back”.
Stay Fly and Fly High!
KLH
