I heard it in a song the other day. I’ve heard many others say the same thing…most of those saying it were men. It hit me that it is this kind of insanity that causes so much misunderstanding, grief and pain in the world, especially between men and women. For some inexplicable reason it has been conditioned into young boys that they shouldn’t show emotions…at least not “soft emotions”…and you certainly shouldn’t cry. The problem with that sort of stupidity, is that it ignores the FACT the men are human.
Humans have emotions…all kinds of emotions. The fact that a person may not show those emotions outwardly, doesn’t mitigate the fact that those emotions exist. Men are every bit as capable as women to feel sadness, depression, and grief…men absolutely do get their feelings hurt. But men have been conditioned to not let their hurt show. The problem with this is that the hurt will not be denied. If the hurt is not expressed directly it will show up some other way. Men usually resort to anger when they feel hurt. Somehow we’ve been trained to believe that anger is more ‘manly’.
So…if a man’s feelings are hurt, rather than saying that, he may scream at his woman. He may go out and cheat on her. He may resort to violence against her, or maybe even misplace that violence, and direct it towards some one else. But please be clear, those hurt feelings will make themselves known. If men were more able to express their hurt feelings, that alone would greatly reduce violence against women. In fact, it would probably reduce violence in general. The old paradigm just doesn’t work. Men are people too. The sooner we all embrace that, the better of we all will be.
We as a people need to revisit and then revise what it means to be a man. Sure strength is a part of being a man…but gentility is too. We as men need to reclaim our humanity…all of it. If our feelings have been hurt, we need to be able to say that in words, soft words, not with our fists. I am not suggesting that men are just like women, because we are not, nor will we ever be. But to say that a grown man ain’t supposed to cry is flat out wrong. Sometimes being a man is being able to show softness, but not being defined by that softness. Sometimes being a man is being able to cry even when our conditioning says we shouldn’t.
As a man you might not want to cry at a public theater watching Sex In The City,…but if you lost a loved one, or if you’re expressing love to that special one, if you feel like no one understands you…I say that you as a man have a ‘human-right’ to cry.
Stay Fly and Fly High!
KLH
