I remember a time when the term ‘baby daddy’ didn’t exist…I know that dates me but that’s OK. Back then the term for my ’baby’s daddy’ was husband, but times have changed. I heard a startling statistic on the radio today, it said that 50% of black women have a child out of wedlock before they are 20 years old. I think this is tragic…but you wouldn’t know it by the way so many people react to a pregnancy. There are the congratulations, the fancy baby showers and all. For way too many people this has become the status-quo. The problem however is that the status-quo is very problematic.
If a young girl in her teens has a baby her chance of graduating high school is greatly diminished. With that is the likelihood that this teen mother and her child will live in poverty. With the stigma of poverty, and what is often substandard living conditions the child will grow up and repeat the cycle. There is also the drain on our economy. The boys get these girls pregnant and don’t have the financial ability or sometimes even the will to contribute to their child’s upbringing, so cities and states have to pick up the tab and pay for these babies. This is a burden that society shouldn’t have to bear, and increasingly can’t afford to bear. In lots of minority communities having a baby is a career option. Something has got to change.
I try to never complain about a situation and not offer a solution, if for no other reason than to spark thought and conversation. I’ll start with the girls. They need to be taught from a young age, way before they are sexual that they have value. They need to be taught they are worth more than the sex they can give to a boy or young man. Girls and young women should require more from guys than him saying - “You know you’re looking hot tonight right?” I wonder how many babies have been born because some guy told a girl she was beautiful. Maybe moms and dads should be telling these girls that at home.
Young women and young men should be very thoroughly educated when it comes to sex. Just saying “be careful and make sure you where a rubber” isn’t sexual education…it’s neglect. Make sure that kids know the consequences of sexual activity. Make sure they know the physical risk, the emotional risk (broken hearts really suck), and the financial risk. I think no one should have sex until they are mature enough, healthy enough, and financially stable enough to deal with a pregnancy if it comes. Because the funny thing about sex is that, at least sometimes a baby comes out of it.
As far as boys, they should be taught how to respect girls. They should learn the value of educating themselves, getting established financially, and growing up. When a young man really has taken the time to get himself together, he is a whole lot more desirable to outstanding young women. Also young boys should be taught to take responsibility for their own actions. It is not the sole responsibility of girls to provide birth control. It is a joint responsibility. It should be deeply inculcated into boys, that real men take care of their responsibilities. That means you don’t have frivolous sex with some girl you barely know, because she might become your ‘baby’s mother’…and you might not want that.
Again going back in the day, I remember when it was scandalous when a young girl got pregnant while she was in school. I think a little ‘shock and dismay’ would do us some good today. Of course we want mothers whatever their age to love and take care of their children. But maybe we shouldn’t have a party to celebrate extraordinary lapses in judgement by young people. How about this – children deserve to have to grown up parents who are stable and love each other AND LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE…but I digress..I’d like to see single parents reach out to young people and tell them how incredibly hard it is to raise children alone, or with not enough money. I happen to think it’s not a foregone conclusion that kids are going to have sex. I think we should expect and encourage kids to wait until they are ready in every way before they have sex. Also last but not least make sure that children learn and progress in their schooling. Kids who do well in school are much less likely to get pregnant early.
I happen to think kids are great, but kids with kids???…not so much. Let’s bring it back to the way it was…when a baby daddy was a husband….just a thought.
Stay Fly and Fly High!
KLH
