I sometimes wonder, how far I will fall. I realize there is an element of self fulfilling prophecy at work in that thought, but if I’m being honest, I wonder how far I will fall. I agonize over how bad things can get, how humiliated I’ll be. I’m talking about my financial struggles. I’ve written about it before, and I hope there’s not a lot more of these articles that I’m gonna need to write….need to write…I NEED TO WRITE. That’s it, I need to write.
This blog is as much about me talking myself out of a funk as it is anything else. I’ve said it before “teach what you need to learn”. So, I’m teaching…or writing…hoping I can find myself. I know there are many, many people affected by this recession, a lot of them worse than me. I don’t pretend I’m the lone victim of those Wall St. vampires. Still when I go to bed at night, not knowing where my next dollar is coming from, being aware of other hardships doesn’t help me sleep better…if anything it makes me hurt more…and hurt is something I do not need more of.
I’m a man of many talents, I’m not bragging…it’s just true. I work hard…and I always (almost always) have. I have read many positive thinking and motivational books. I’ve been to seminars, hell…I have considered creating seminars. Still here I am, at the edge…at a place I wouldn’t have imagined a couple of years ago, when I could buy pretty much anything I really wanted. Now every week brings more pressure. I have grown to hate the mail. I let envelopes pile up, because past due balances depress me, and I NEVER answer a 1-800 call…because they have questions, that I don’t have answers for.
So here I am with the walls closing in on me…and I know it sounds dramatic (I have a knack for that), but I feel like I can’t breathe. I feel like a loser…I feel like…I’m not a man. As that thought takes shape in my mind, another one says ‘HOLD UP!!! You’re not a man???…You’re a loser???…You could not be more wrong!!!’ It’s so easy for me to forget what I’m made of when I’m pushed to the edge. It’s so easy to forget that planets and stars, quasars and galaxies, mountains, oceans, and the mighty creatures on them and in them can not compare to me. I am God’s crowning achievement, we all are. Fully able to crush obstacles and make possible, what no one thought could be done.
But I cannot lie…right now I feel like crap. It’s OK though…because I won’t quit on myself. This feeling will not last. I don’t know when the sun will rise, but I know it will. I’m afraid (yeah…men can be scared), I’m afraid of what will happen to me.. if I lose my car…my home…I’m afraid, that if I ever have to ask a friend for something to eat…My spirit may never recover.
Then I remember who I am. I remember where I come from, and what I’m made of. I am a man, ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. I have great things to do, awesome goals to accomplish…and I intend to check every one of them off my list. This much I know…things are hard now…REALLY hard…but hard times NEVER last forever…and because I won’t quit I will win. I won’t except any else but to win. I know where I come from…strike that…I know where we come from.
Stay Fly and Fly High!
I believe I was put here on this earth to teach people how to live bigger, better, and more awesome lives. I am not always right but I always have something to say…and I am here to say it. I want to change the world, and I know that I can with a little help from my friends. So, I created The MInd of KLH blog to inform and spark the imagination of anyone desiring a world full of possibilities realized.One Love...Really!
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